


Hope Of Morning

by Dionynic



Category: Monster of the Week (Tabletop RPG)
Genre: Between Sessions, Canon Compliant, Insecurity, Monster of the Week, Original Character(s), Song fic, he's trying his best, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22219735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dionynic/pseuds/Dionynic
Summary: Oh hey! It's a fic about Elliot!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Hope Of Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics from 'Hope of Morning" by Icon for Hire

_**"My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast  
Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past"** _

"God damnit!" Elliot yelled, kicking a coffee table only to hiss and jump back, flopping on to the couch immediately after. A quick murmured apology left his lips as he heard Tarot mew at him. Whether that was annoyance or concern, Elliot couldn't tell. He leaned his head back and smoothed his hand over his face. What was is it, five or six cycles? Maybe seven. The exact number didn't matter but he was horribly exhausted. Still, he couldn't help but turn the events of the day over and over in his mind. The events of the last cycle were the only ones that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things, but he still refused to stop fussing over the details. The fires and the murder and all of the pain they each had to go through. 

_**"The last mistake, the choice I made  
Staring in the mirror with myself to blame"** _

What had he done? First cycle he'd sat in his apartment and waited until the worst reached him. He should've been out and helping. They'd told him about what was going on and yet, he only got involved when it included his own concerns. He tried to push past the worst of it as much as he could. _It was only the first cycle,_ he assured himself, _you would have had no way of knowing._ The feeling of a blade slipping into his neck as he was forced to calm washed over him once more and he shivered. He hadn't seen Jacques coming, nor had he heard him. He'd died less than Caradoc had, that was for certain, but he was still sure that between the bat and the blade, he'd choose the bat again. It had felt less personal, reminded him less of the betrayal of finding out what Jacques had been planning for the group. Pushing past that cycle again, he tried to think of the others, where they had all tried finding various ways of fixing everything.

Sonya was incredible, she took over the mental heavy lifting, learning more and more each time and trying to help each of them through. And Caradoc cared so much about there being as little damage as possible that he'd sacrificed himself more than once over. They were tired, there was no way that they weren't, but they kept going. Azarias was mostly focused on Emi and James but Elliot couldn't blame him. The guy was new and had no real loyalty to them. But he'd helped where it counted. 

_And what did you do?_ He asked himself, pulling his legs up to his chest as well as he could manage. _Sure, you got Faye and Georgie where they needed to be, but what did you do other than cower after that?_ Elliot deeply inhaled as he felt a fresh wave of shame course over him.

**_"I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair"_ **

Caradoc, Georgie, Sonya.. as far as he was concerned, they all deserved much better. Someone who knew what he was doing, someone braver or quicker on their feet. Even so, he didn't want them to leave him. He wanted to hold on to them for as long as he could. But if he couldn't help them in their time of need, then what use was he to them? 

At his best, Elliot knew a few parlor tricks and could talk his way into places. Helpful when they'd started out perhaps, but not now. Not now that their enemies were who they were. What chance did he have against people like that? He couldn't even properly get Cecilius dealt with!

_**"I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step  
What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this?"** _

Still wallowing within his pity party of one, Elliot put his feet on the floor and looked over towards Tarot who stared at him curiously from the arm of the couch. Slowly the fluffy black cat stretched and began to saunter over, only to lay himself directly on Elliot's lap. The man leaned down and gently buried his face in the cat's fur, wrapping his arms around him. Tarot purred as loud as a freight train, like he was trying to be louder than any negative self talk that Elliot was pondering over. Maybe Tarot was just in the mood for cuddles, but Elliot still felt comfort replace the dull feeling of shame and guilt. At least Tatot was here and safe. 

"I love you." Elliot mumbled to the large puddle of void that continued to rumble on his lap. Other than the two of them, the studio apartment was silent. It would have been comforting if not for the intense need to not be alone. The need to feel safe. He was half tempted to ask Sonya or Caradoc if he could stay at their place for the night but he decoded against it. There should be no reason to feel unsafe there.

**_"When the hope of morning starts to fade in me  
I don't dare let darkness have its way with me"  
_ **

After a long moment of thought, he stood up wiith Tarot and went around the apartnment. He turned on a couple of lights and closed the curtains for the large window near the door. He would figure out how to ward the place more efficiently in the morning. It was a late reaction, but it was better than doing nothing. As bad as he felt, he needed to keep himself in check. Elliot wasn't of use to anyone, including himself, if all he did was sit and cry about everything. Besides, he'd have only himself a little more often. This ordeal meant back to Hell for Georgie so he didn't imagine he'd be interacting with the demon quite as much anymore. 

And in any case, it wasn't like Elliot had done absolutely nothing. He'd tried and that was certainly something. He kept repeating it in his head as he set about setting everything up for the night. _I tried, I tried, I tried._

**_"And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight  
I will not be giving in tonight"_ **

He didn't feel completely better, he'd be lying if he said it was all better now. He was still upset and still considering what he could've done better, but he was doing his damn best to keep all of that down. That shit wasn't helping anyone and it didn't really make him feel any better. There was no reason for it. 

Elliot poured some cat food in the dish and watched as Tarot strut over and immediately stuck his little face into the bowl. After that. he settled back down and tried to adjust to the silence of the night. It could be worse, could be screaming. But it was just silence after a long day of trying to not let Bleston burn. Bleston. Their lovely little town where everything was fucked but that's okay. Their heroes are a bookstore lady. a man with four arms and two wings, a magician and a man who looks like a walking icing tube. Elliot kicked his feet up on the coffee table, shaking his head a little. Maybe hero wasn't the right word, but they were certainly doing something there.


End file.
